How To Handle College Admissions Rejections

The current college application period is coming to a close, and the decisions for this Early Decision/Early Action (ED/EA) season have arrived for freshman applicants. Congratulations to those who have been admitted! This article provides some words of comfort or wisdom and advice for all the applicants who will experience their share of college acceptances and rejections when Regular Decisions come out in March and April, as well as for those who were brave enough to apply ED/EA but have been denied.

Being rejected by desired colleges to which you, whether as a high school senior or as a college transfer applicant, have applied is indeed an emotional issue. It hurts! Especially if you are used to success, a rejection can feel like ultimate failure and that your life is over before it’s even begun. You might as well apply to McDonald’s for a front counter’s job. But the reality is . . . it’s not true! Take a deep breath. Take another.

That said, a range of the twenty-three exemplary 17-to-24-year-old contributors featured in my newly released book, Young Leaders 3.0: Stories, Insights, and Tips for Next-Generation Achievers, reflected on their experiences with college acceptances and rejections.

All contributors did a fabulous job as well sharing their experiences with and advice about their high school activities, achievements, transition into college,college life, summer activities, internships, leadership development, career planning, definitions of success, and insights into managing failure.

For this article, I thought it might help inspire or enlighten you if I allow their own voices to shine through regarding their college admissions rejections and what they made of them—as part of their paths, both rugged and smooth, towards success.

In Young Leaders 3.0, Kimberly Han is the Filmmaker Dreaming of the Oscars. A senior at the University of Chicago, Kimberly is pursuing a double major in Cinema and Media Studies and International Studies. She has pivoted from being a tech geek in high school to being a movie geek in college. In her chapter she reflects frankly on the anxiety of college admissions and rejections:

The #$#%^@ and “THANK GOD!” moments

I remember mistyping exactly three times trying to enter the password for MIT’s application decision portal. My hands had been trembling uncontrollably. When I finally entered it correctly and the page had loaded, it was the damnedest moment in my life. I experienced simultaneous rage and relief.

With thoughts of “#$#%^@, darn you!” and “THANK GOD,” I ended the day comically bipolar. I had been heavily involved in technology in high school, and this was a game-changing moment in which I finally realized that I had never loved or even been good at math or science.

At the same time, it was impossible to neglect the fact that I had been rejected. Of course, MIT is a top-notch, world-renowned university (in fact, my own brother is an alumnus). It’s just that my inner voice asked, “Who are you to reject me? Me? Who do you think you are?”

Yes, I was angry and dejected. All of the things that I’d done and learned in high school seemed to have been refuted. My efforts had failed. But somehow it was also then that I recognized that it’s not that I wasn’t good enough for the school, but rather that I had simply been looking down the wrong path. I had been stubborn, chasing after something I neither liked nor was necessarily good at, and I had willingly cast myself in a certain mold to get accepted into a college for its reputation.

All in all, I have no regrets and am grateful for all of the things that made me who I am now. I am happy that I became agile in illustrating computer graphics, that I got to participate in the national robotics competition, and that I fought for the place of women in technology. Lucky enough, I ended up at the University of Chicago, and I now know that I will someday become one of the world’s greatest filmmakers. I have learned that even a disappointment can turn out to be the best thing to happen in life, and I am thrilled about the path that I now follow. Though it took some time into college to finally discover my true passion, now I have the rest of my life to enjoy and pursue my dream.

It’s not personal. Relax and consider that every year, top-tier colleges reject thousands and thousands of perfectly qualified applicants. The truth is, they cannot take everyone, so it is a buyer’s market, supply and demand. Second, they may already have, for example, enough male Chinese American students from the West Coast and they need some female African American students from the South to meet their own criteria for diversity.

Yes, the soft word “diversity” is a nice way for most upper-tier colleges to subtly communicate their need to seek out admits that do result in a “well-rounded class,” which, on average, may see incremental changes but does not deviate drastically from the year before. So, do not take it personally.

College rejections may just be that proverbial blessing-in-disguise for some. Consider Sabrina Ma, the Kindness Kid from Silicon Valley in Young Leaders 3.0, my own and eldest daughter and the youngest member of the book’s contributor team. Now a freshman at Georgetown University, Sabrina explains her handling of college rejections as follows:

Try not to take admissions rejections personally as I did. Admissions decisions can be a mysterious crapshoot. For example, I was rejected by Columbia, waitlisted at Harvard, and accepted at Dartmouth. Human beings are complex, multifaceted entities who simply cannot be described in 500 words or less. Acceptances or rejections—in regards to college admissions and life as a whole—should not and do not define you or your self-worth. Just try your absolute best and be yourself. If colleges can’t see how awesome you are, they don’t deserve you anyway.

As her father, I quietly took in Sabrina’s pain as well when her then-top choice, Columbia University in dynamic New York City, denied her admission. Sabrina had applied to a range of private and public universities and received her share of acceptances and rejections. But all those dark clouds had unexpected silver linings. How did she arrive at her own college decision?

Deciding where to spend the next four years of my life was a difficult struggle between name brand and fit. I was slightly skeptical about Georgetown, for it was a smidge less “prestigious” than some of the Ivy League schools to which I was accepted.

However, all my false assumptions vanished when I stepped onto campus. As a West Coast native and suburban girl, I yearned for a metropolitan, East Coast experience. I could see that living in Washington, DC, the nation’s political hub and a corporate cluster, would be a fantastic experience because of opportunities to seize invaluable internships and to build key relationships.

I loved Georgetown’s Jesuit values—in particular, their deep adherence to service and advocacy of “men and women for others.” These values were clearly reflected in the students I met. I also loved the campus culture and adored the alumni, faculty, and administrators whom I met. Finally, Georgetown’s wealth of student organizations, including Girls Who Code and Startup Hoyas, and its brand-new Social Innovation and Impact Center (just erected a few months ago), left me in awe of the resources related to my passions, all within hand’s reach.

“You know your school is the one when the only vandalism you ever see is uplifting messages.” Sabrina writes recently on social media. “I am very happy at Georgetown!” As a parent, that’s the most important thing my child could tell me.

Count your blessings. All the important things in life are still there. Your parents still love you. You still have friends, your health, your home, your interests, your future. Nothing really important has changed. Don’t let one setback sour your future. One of my teammates’ favorite philosophers, Boethius, said, “No man is miserable unless he thinks he is.” It’s all in your belief system and attitude—and that is something you have the power to change!

In Young Leaders 3.0, Sabrina also reflects on ways in which her college experience thus far have caused her to change her perspective on her academic career, her dreams and aspirations, and her life:

Now in college, I can safely say that my post-high school experience has been exhilarating. I have experienced my share of failures, rejections, breakdowns, inferiority complexes, and long caffeine-fueled nights. Yet, at the end of the day, I always fall asleep happy.

Through my extracurriculars, social groups, and classes, I have met friends and mentors whom I do not deserve. With content, I look back on memories like discussing the “meaning of life” with my theology professor, running to the Washington Monument at midnight, and haphazardly searching up financial jargon on Investopedia during Georgetown’s Venture Capitalist Investment Competition. Although I still have “what-am-I-doing-with-my-life” moments often, college has tested my limits in the best way possible, and I am excited to continue growing academically, socially, and spiritually.

You always have options. You never know. You might turn out to be miserable at College X, your initial top choice, but College Z, your 3rd choice, might actually be the greatest place for you. Current and future college applicants, please do visit the colleges that admit you. Look more closely at the curricula, the distribution requirements, the student clubs and organizations, the types of (off-campus) internship opportunities, the vibe. Consider the climate; you will be living there for four years. Absolutely, talk to people—current students, alumni, faculty, administrators.

And, for those of you who may want to transfer or advance to graduate work, it’s the last college that matters. That’s usually the one you mention when people ask what college you attended. So, motivated freshmen in community or “less prestigious” colleges, don’t despair. Work hard and smarter moving forward—or try transferring later.

At this moment, freshmen applicants, you are children of fate. It’s out of your hands. So, make the best decisions you can with the information you have at the time. That’s all any of us can do. Best of luck!

I welcome your comments below!

Jason L. Ma is author of his newly released book, YOUNG LEADERS 3.0: Stories, Insights, and Tips for Next-Generation Achievers, and serves as founder, CEO and chief mentor at ThreeEQ.