As early decision and early action deadlines approach, and the due dates for regular decision are just a couple of months away, anxiety is running high. And it’s not just being felt by students. Typical applicants have a list of about a half dozen schools they’re considering. There essays to write, transcripts and teacher recommendations to request, test scores to order, and applications to fill out. Parents may be sitting on the sidelines, biting nails, losing sleep, and wondering how to get involved.
How much help is too much? Too little? Can you give assistance without turning into the helicopter parent you swore you’d never become? The answers differ slightly because of one variable: your student. Getting involved requires that you first determine how much assistance is wanted, and how much is required. Some students are willing and able to take on the entire process themselves. They don’t want help, and they don’t need it. If that’s your son or daughter, you’ll need to find another outlet for your anxiety. Ask how things are going, be ready to write checks for admissions fees, but don’t try to manage the process.
Other students get completely overwhelmed with the many details of the admissions process. If your son or daughter is in this category, it’s important that you do get involved. But here’s the caveat: you need to figure out why your help is needed. Is your student normally pretty good at taking care of his or her responsibilities, or do you usually have to help? Some need help with the application because the prospect of leaving home for four years, in essence leaving childhood behind, is frightening. Others need help because they aren’t ready to handle important decision-making and time management issues. It’s important to make the distinction, because some students simply aren’t ready to go off to college just because high school is ending. An additional year of maturity, with work experience or college-level course work, may be what’s needed.
The majority of students, however, fall between these extremes. They could use some organizational assistance, but they’ll balk at over-involvement. Here’s how to help:
1. Get the deadlines. Ask your son or daughter to go online and make a list of the application deadlines for each school he or she is applying to. Check each application for requirements (is there more than one essay? What are the topics and word length limits? Do you need to report just the SAT or ACT or are Subject test scores needed?) Then, contact the high school guidance department for transcript and teacher recommendation deadlines. Finally, determine the last date you can request SAT or ACT score reports.
2. Create a timeline. Working backward from the final application due dates, add dates other deadlines and each task (such as “fill out Common Application,” “Write personal essay,” “write supplemental essays,” etc.).
3. Print a calendar spanning from this week until the last application is due, with space on each day to write the tasks that will be completed. Work with your student to determine when he or she will get each one done.
Using a calendar, and posting it where you can both refer to it, is the best way to manage the many tasks required. And allowing your student to decide which one(s) to do when will give him or her the important decisions with some necessary oversight. Once you’ve got the process planned, avoid the temptation to nag. Criticism and badgering aren’t good motivators, and they pit you against each other. Keep perspective, and stay positive. When the acceptance letters arrive in April, you’ll be glad that your relationship, and your sanity, are still intact.
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